The semester is technically over. Only exams this week and next. Then, it will be the last day to be in the class of Mr. Books. For those who aren't familiar, Mr. Books is the teacher I've been daydreaming about for a year. This is the last class I'll ever really have him in and it's very sad. Because he is in his fifties and I am in my twenties. He is my teacher and I am a student. He is married and I have a sick case of daddy issues (which is weird because I know my dad does love me in a appropriate way).
I am not delusional on the whole situation. So I keep my distance, while admiring his deep voice and intellect that I so much desire. Sometimes I wish I was to get the craving out of me. To just act upon the damn deed and move on with life.
Candy is the only person that knows about this sick dream. She deemed it being "intellectual stimulation" that was the problem. I very much agree.
When I meet a guy, I do find some attractive. If it has to be between "gangster" and "cowboy" I normally go for cowboy. However, conversation is shallow and flirting is fucking to most. I just don't have fun with guys my own age.
I know why too. My mom has always commented that I had an "old soul" and if I was in middle school I wouldn't believe her. However, I realized that I do prefer to talk to older men and women than my own age group. Ha, probably why I have a few close friends (as I always say, best to have a few good friends than a lot of bad ones). I never thought my "old soul" would be this much of a problem.
But as an old soul, I know that it's not right to want another woman's man. It really isn't. However, I pray to God I will find my own Mr. Books. Also pray he is at least my age if not in his 30's.
Maybe there are just no available Mr. Books where I'm at.
Might have to change that soon.
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