Must be Another Mr. Books

The semester is technically over. Only exams this week and next. Then, it will be the last day to be in the class of Mr. Books. For those who aren't familiar, Mr. Books is the teacher I've been daydreaming about for a year. This is the last class I'll ever really have him in and it's very sad. Because he is in his fifties and I am in my twenties. He is my teacher and I am a student. He is married and I have a sick case of daddy issues (which is weird because I know my dad does love me in a appropriate way).

I am not delusional on the whole situation. So I keep my distance, while admiring his deep voice and intellect that I so much desire. Sometimes I wish I was to get the craving out of me. To just act upon the damn deed and move on with life.

Candy is the only person that knows about this sick dream. She deemed it being "intellectual stimulation" that was the problem. I very much agree.

When I meet a guy, I do find some attractive. If it has to be between "gangster" and "cowboy" I normally go for cowboy. However, conversation is shallow and flirting is fucking to most. I just don't have fun with guys my own age.

I know why too. My mom has always commented that I had an "old soul" and if I was in middle school I wouldn't believe her. However, I realized that I do prefer to talk to older men and women than my own age group. Ha, probably why I have a few close friends (as I always say, best to have a few good friends than a lot of bad ones). I never thought my "old soul" would be this much of a problem.

But as an old soul, I know that it's not right to want another woman's man. It really isn't. However, I pray to God I will find my own Mr. Books. Also pray he is at least my age if not in his 30's.

Maybe there are just no available Mr. Books where I'm at.

Might have to change that soon.

Ivy and Loli

So, remember that essay I was going to half ass but still ended up devoting my time to? Well, I got the grade.

Let me first say to why I'm soooo nervouse about it besides the fact that its the only thing standig between me and the aid money. My professor, is a hot foreign hard ass. There, I said. He is an Englishman, which is weird for me because I haven't met a foreign man from across waters before. Okay, there was that ONE (two?) coworker, but I mean man that is older than me. I felt intimidated and he is one of those guys that seems very one-sided and grades like we are in the military. So far, he hasn't shown much mercy to me on my tests. I was sooo worried about my essay and would be so depressed if he gave me a C or D.

I got better, a B. A high B like two point from an A. He said my essay wasn't long enough and that I didn't make a strong point, but screw that! There is still hope to pass that hard class!

Worst part to this story though is that now I am very attracted to him. Like I am actually joking with him in class. course, he is being a gentleman (married) and not doing anything back, just joking. Don't scowl at me! Let me say that I am not going to be like Ivy from Poison Ivy (Drew Barrymore, good reason to check it out).

It's really fucked up how I get hot for a teacher. I at first thought it was the whole Lolita (check out!) fantasy I have, but I am technically not a school girl. I am a lady in college. So, I have concluded that I am sick in the head. I have had this kind of crush before. The first one was a hot, tattooed teacher (sleeve that he was able to cover), who never gave up on me and single! Second was last semester, and he was so passionate about his field. He would give great lectures, married, head a full head of gray hair, was probably in his late forties, and dressed like a dork! Yes, I am sick. Now, its the Englishman that's a smart ass that is married.

Sick! Sick! Sick!

Don't worry though. I am not going to rape these men. I maybe sick, but I have morals. It's just a school lady crush.