Ivy and Loli

So, remember that essay I was going to half ass but still ended up devoting my time to? Well, I got the grade.

Let me first say to why I'm soooo nervouse about it besides the fact that its the only thing standig between me and the aid money. My professor, is a hot foreign hard ass. There, I said. He is an Englishman, which is weird for me because I haven't met a foreign man from across waters before. Okay, there was that ONE (two?) coworker, but I mean man that is older than me. I felt intimidated and he is one of those guys that seems very one-sided and grades like we are in the military. So far, he hasn't shown much mercy to me on my tests. I was sooo worried about my essay and would be so depressed if he gave me a C or D.

I got better, a B. A high B like two point from an A. He said my essay wasn't long enough and that I didn't make a strong point, but screw that! There is still hope to pass that hard class!

Worst part to this story though is that now I am very attracted to him. Like I am actually joking with him in class. course, he is being a gentleman (married) and not doing anything back, just joking. Don't scowl at me! Let me say that I am not going to be like Ivy from Poison Ivy (Drew Barrymore, good reason to check it out).

It's really fucked up how I get hot for a teacher. I at first thought it was the whole Lolita (check out!) fantasy I have, but I am technically not a school girl. I am a lady in college. So, I have concluded that I am sick in the head. I have had this kind of crush before. The first one was a hot, tattooed teacher (sleeve that he was able to cover), who never gave up on me and single! Second was last semester, and he was so passionate about his field. He would give great lectures, married, head a full head of gray hair, was probably in his late forties, and dressed like a dork! Yes, I am sick. Now, its the Englishman that's a smart ass that is married.

Sick! Sick! Sick!

Don't worry though. I am not going to rape these men. I maybe sick, but I have morals. It's just a school lady crush.

Releaved anf Fucking Tired

So...this has been one hell of a week. I successfully finished my essay this morning and studied the supposed essay questions last night. The day started out like shit though because I woke up forty minutes late and only had ten minutes to even be fit to get out the door. Basically, I put my make up on in the car and straightened my hair in the girls restroom like a homeless person. Please don't take offense, I saw that in a documentary with the whole bathroom bit. The test was actually easy this time, I guess because it had a lot to do with something I was interested in and I actually did good in the essay questions. Probably because...actually I don't know why. I gave it the same amount of studying like the last test I failed. But this time it really just clicked for me. I hope I don't get a bad grade on the test. Also hope I don't get a bad grade on the essay. I actually tried this time. I took the majority of the books on the topic and looked at the websites like crazy. I have confirmed that MLA SUX.

So right now, I'm just chillin'. I have another test for an equally hard class to study for and then another essay is coming up. I'm probably just going to recycle material.

I've been thinking a lot about being a student. How Pres. Obama always stresses the importance of the education system, but tuition is goin up pretty high. Sometimes, I really just want to put up my hands and go on with life. Hell, would my major even be worthy of the real world? I guess so. But the salary might go down. I have been trying to think about life after being a student. How it would feel, and if the stress is the same. I actually find money to be one hell of a motivator. I guess I have been thinking about this is because I have done the math and found that (if done right) fall semester would be my last at community college. I could be in a university. Its means a lot to me because, I always struggled with school. No matter how hard I tried, I always got okay. Not great or spectacular. Only with English, which isn't even valued so much. People say I'm smart, but I never see it on tests or essays. I hope I'm ready for the next step.

The Spring Break Hangover

Okay, don't get all testy. I do not have a real hangover. I never had a hangover! Still, I have a feeling one would come by the end of my 21st birthday. What I mean by the spring break hangover is this, we have a whole weak in our own little world, trying to grasp as much of shallow fun only to find ourselves in the school morning tired as fuck. Its not healthy, but I am drinking a dp this morning just to regain some sort of sanity.

So, bottom line was my spring break was okay. I spent the first part with my family in a city I will not name. Still it bugged me how my mom said I was shallow just because I didn't care for a walk in the park and all the family fun things. I really just felt like, "What the hell! Been the good girl for you for so many years and just because I didn't care for the lousy park means you should condemn me as the shallow daughter?"I felt a bit peeved because now that i know that there are more layers to society the whole family picnic shit really just felt like a mask for the time of keeping up with the Joneses. Also, my mom really acted like a damn Stepford wife and even though it ended on the good note, I was happy to escape my mom's own shallowness and close-mindness.

And then I went to my own spring break. Basically, clubbing, smoking, and drinking. I didn't go to the beach though because I knew I would just act like a jack ass. Who really needed that? Plus, I knew I would be bound to be sunburn. It really just felt good to act my age and do things deemed not age appropriate.

Okay, so dp is not doing shit and I have yet to work on my essay in spring break. SHIT. SHIT. SHIT.

Good news is its due Thursday, so I might be able to half ass it and get away with a decent grade. I know, not a role model thing to say. Never a role model thing to say.