Virginal in the South

I am reading the book, "Sex and the City" by Candace Bushnell (nothing like Carrie Bradshaw) and have so far accept that Bushnell will not mention the subculture of sexuality: virgins.

On that I happen to be. First I would like to say that I am not going to throw a hissy fit. I am respect her material even if it is nothing like the show (I am a great fan of). Still, girls in their twenties that choose to wait till "the one" are not considered great characters. Unless we are carrying God's child (I do hope that never happens to me), we aren't really considered a role model.

Sookie Stackhouse from the HBO series is a great exception, but notice how there aren't many episodes of her as a virgin. The minute she sees Bill the Vampire, she knew she wouldn't be a virgin for long.

In my case, it's different. I don't have vampires around and have high expectations. I admit that that is overboard, but I really do prefer for the one. I admit though, it's tempting to just get it over with. Just go to a party and get the whole messy thing done. Just to see what's the big deal about it. In my heart though, I feel like it wouldn't be worth it.

Because I am a virgin, finding a true guy has become difficult not because I am a prude, rather because its a sport for guys to be to first. I could see the appeal. For them it's like being Christopher Columbus finding new land. Like I said before, it's considered a sport to get the virgin, making it extremely difficult for me.

So, here I am waiting, wondering if I am such a virgin, why do I know too much about sex? I give up on wondering and just consider it a gift. I pray each day that with every passing man the one will be closer.

Still, as sad as this sounds, romance and sex are not at the top of my lists. It's independence and travel. How sad is that?

Just think of the Night Life

So, I am not going to give the details of the weekend. Just that i keep promising myself that I won't go out. That I have to study and be good. But, I realized that...its hard. Really hard. I didn't sleep with some random guy or make myself look trashy, but it made me realize how hard it is to get away from the night life. The glitter and tight clothes is only the paper that carries the drug of the night life. The music, the neon lights, and the smoke it a fantasy that vanishes by sunrise.

My New Years Resolution was to go out at least twice a month and now, I have been following through by going out every weekend. Now, its like my week is only a dream and the clubs are where I really belong.

I don't really feel bad abut my actions anymore. Just confused on how all this shit works. I know in the back of my mind, those clubs and that music will be considered to small for me. I would grow old and be like those ladies in country bars that try to be like on Sex and the City. Only that they have nothing witty to say and drunk off their asses. I pray to not be like them and more of the Carrie Bradshaw type-classy. I just hope I don't have to move to New York to do it.