God Mother

In one of my classes, we learned about the social clock. This can be described as being surrounded by social pressures by your community or peers. Twenty years ago, this would be your grandmother seeing you for Thanksgiving asking when exactly she'll have great grand kids.

But now the social clock is more digital and I see it every time I'm on facebook. I swear, I can't go on facebook without seeing pictures of babies and hearing cute things the five year old girl said. The crazy thing is that the mother of this next generation were my peers who wanted to go to a university or get the hell out of the city. Few are happily married while the majority are separated from the sperm donor.

I guess it's my form of social clock because I feel that my wall doesn't compare to those of first footsteps or little pink noses. I feel...alone as a single, not prego college girl.

And now the fact that Candy and Micro are having a baby makes me feel more alone. Worst of all...I'm deemed the God Mother.

I kind of wanted to shake Candy and tell her it's a bit mistake. I really wish she'll just put the kid up for adoption. Her and Micro are not ready to begin a relationship with a child.

But since the whole world is against them on this, like the good bff, I must suck it up and by her "What to Expect". They should really come up with a book called "What Not to Expect".

Am I in Neverland?

I was on just seconds ago, and I saw one of my friends I was very close with on facebook.. She looked, totally different. Less punk and more pop. That's really not a bad thing because God knows I am also down that route. But still, I keep seeing pictures of who i suspect is her little boy. Not because she has a big caption that says MY SON, but more because she doesn't deny that's it's hers. I just feel that she went prego on me even though we kind of swore to each other we wouldn't. I know, it's stupid to make such a promise, but at eighteen, it was not. Still isn't to me. She doesn't have much on her in her info, so I don't know what her relationship status is. Then I have come to realize that the majority of my facebook friends have kids or are engaged. Lord knows my best friend, Candy has been on a fast track with this guy I shall call Micro.

I am really starting to wonder if everyone else is going too fast or have I just been stuck in Neverland. Never moving forward with relationships. I keep thinking of all my failed conquests all because either my standards were too high or because I just saw right through them. I guess you could say that I know when a guy is being fake, and normally the ones that pursue me are just that.

I really am not sure when single hood became this big mystery to me. I don't even remember when it started coming out as a bad thing. I always thought being single was cool, but then you see your friends in such a hurry to get married or pregnant, it really gets me to thinking that maybe I got the formula wrong.

I don't really know...for once.