Someone Like You

I had a boyfriend, and he was so close to perfect. But his little imperfections didn’t drive me away, it was my fear. He was four years older than me, and I didn’t really know how my parents would be. So….they never knew about him.

When we broke up, it was weird, but we were still each others friends on facebook.

Months went by and we still played the single game. I was really feeling put together.

But then he goes on to say he was the happiest man in the world because of his new girlfriend.

I thought I would be more cool about this, but I find myself in the continuing “what if” series. What if I grew up and just told my parents about him. What if I wasn’t insecure.

But, the bottom line is that it’s already happened. So I will give myself this one night of being depressed and all Taylor Swift. But tomorrow is a new day.

Sounds cliche, but it’s true. If I mourned over one guy I wasn’t even brave enough to care for, what’s that going to say about my true love?

We’ll see.

Whose Fault is it Anyways?

Okay, so ultimate family drama in the family business. My mom and uncle both run the show. So, I am not going through the whole bit because that not what this post is about. Bottom line: Business is failing. Mom: Blamed because she borrows the money. Uncle: Blamed because he spends the money.

So the past 24 hours. The family has been in a uproar on whose fault it is. I actually just feel like a bad witness to all of this. I really want to be with my mom 100%. I really do. But she is threatening to quit altogether, and I know that is just a bad idea. Really bad. Because she has kids and so many other obligations, she can't afford to quit. It just can't be done. So I am very much worried for her. Not only that, but she is threatening to cut off as many ties to my uncle as possible. This is bad because, what would this look like to the younger generation when all family traditions are shut down?

My uncle is a piece of work. He is a very pugnacious man. Say one raw thing to him, and shit hits the fan. He is also guilty for screwing up the company. Even though my mom got a loan from the company (further proof she can't afford to quit). My uncle raped the company. he put what was supposed to be one thing, into this Frankenstein octopus this with crooked tentacles. Example that if one starts a business, it should remain singular, not plural unless you can afford it. Not only that, but he also spends the company money on other extravagances "for the employees" a.k.a, his labor buddies that he buys food for.

Really sad that I have no real risk in the business, but feel gray hairs poking out. I am mostly mad at my uncle for being such a dick, but I am irritated with my mom. I understand where she's coming from and maybe if she had a different life I would support her. But I am not happy she is risking my own siblings well being.

Why is that family members are stubborn? Why is it that our pride chokes the truth right out of us. When I notice I am being a dick, I try to fess up to it before it gets used for ammo. I guess it's a bittersweet gift. But the more I thought on this topic, the more i see in my family how everyone has to always be right. Just for the smallest little pellet too.

Big example is when I could only buy a swimsuit from a certain place because my mom failed to tell me we were going to the water park. After thinking about it, I decided that I would rather be in a crappy bathing suit rather than baking in the sun. I told my mom to go ahead and go to the store. She goes on to say, "Oh, I thought you said you didn't want to go to the store". You know, in this know-it-all tone. I said I changed my mind. She then says, "Well, I told you to just get a swimsuit and you said you didn't want one." Was there really a point in saying that?

I am really tired of all this family drama and I PRAY that it will all work out. Let me tell you, it isn't the first row, but it is a shitty one.

The Second Summer Reflection

So, my summer has officially ended. I just have a week off before I go back for fall. I discovered that I can now apply for a university I was really interested in. Even if i can't afford, it would be nice to be accepted. I am excited to start a new chapter. I am excited to get out of prison. I know how I have it good, but sometimes, those things come with a price...like your dignity.

As much as I love my family, I know I can't take another year living with them. I need that self discovery, and I wouldn't mind another college being a excuse.

My second summer reflection is that people are selfish. I guess if you're a saint, no, but other than that, we are all pretty damn selfish. Sometimes fun does come before loved ones. I have been guilty of it myself, but kicking someone while their down isn't that fun.

I am sick of the life I'm living. So I promise that by next summer, I will not be in this spot.

Who Runs the Ghost Show anyways???

I spent a bit out of town. Actually, this is the first summer that I have been out of town randomly. The subject that came up among my parents was, what will happen in 2012. I told you before, that I planned on doing my basics here (almost done!) and then just transfer. But now there is the question on where to transfer to. One wants me to move out of town and the other wants me to stay where I am. Out of town seems to be the winning bid, but now I have this feeling of being rushed. How sad.

I keep telling myself, that it's because I don't like change. I wish for it constantly, but when the opportunity comes I find myself hesitate. I am tired of being like that though. I have to stop being in the safe zone and break through the barrier.

Though, I have realized recently that I just about kept my promise to myself. I am living. I just need to live more.