Who Runs the Ghost Show anyways???

I spent a bit out of town. Actually, this is the first summer that I have been out of town randomly. The subject that came up among my parents was, what will happen in 2012. I told you before, that I planned on doing my basics here (almost done!) and then just transfer. But now there is the question on where to transfer to. One wants me to move out of town and the other wants me to stay where I am. Out of town seems to be the winning bid, but now I have this feeling of being rushed. How sad.

I keep telling myself, that it's because I don't like change. I wish for it constantly, but when the opportunity comes I find myself hesitate. I am tired of being like that though. I have to stop being in the safe zone and break through the barrier.

Though, I have realized recently that I just about kept my promise to myself. I am living. I just need to live more.

Gleek All About It

I am a bit of a Gleek. I love Lea Michelle, Darren Criss, and Mathew Morrison. But I kind of think Ryan Murphy is an ass. Not because of the whole chopping off the shows best and beloved cast, but because he is doing a crappy show called Glee Project.

I will just call it GP. It's about bringing in twelve hopefuls that want to be the next star on Glee. It's full of bitchy personas, drama, and bad voices (how the hell did some make it through the audition?). While I am all for getting a glipse of Darren Criss, I really don't care for how these cast members treat each other. I am not saying that i think the original glee cast would do any better. I really wouldn't know. Ignorance is bliss. Ryan Murphy comes off to me as a creator looking to make a quick buck like a girl from the Bad Girls Club (though I cannot wait for them).

I feel sorry for the true gleeks. They are going to lose some pretty cool characters. I admit that I was shocked by the news, but the truth is that Glee really doesn't affect me. I know, it's about being a outcast in high school. The thing is I survived that. i really don't need a life lesson from Glee. However, it would be nice to find a show for the college age group that does not involved sex and sororites, but real life.

I want to see girls like me that doesn't live in a fancy dorm. I want to see fanatics trying to keep up with school work. I want to see stupid girls obviously making stupid decisions for "love". I want smoke, failure, and imperfections. I do not want Emma Stone or Blake Lively. I want a girl that is out of school and makes some effort to live happy. I don't want her to just wake up happy with a man interested.

I doubt Hollywood will listen.

Sooooooo Lucky

I say that I am sooooooo lucky because I got a message from my school. I just dropped class and was wondering if the jig was up. I was fearing that they would ask me to pay back some of the semester and lower my future award quantities.

My friends, what happened was the polar opposite. Instead of asking me to pay, they offer me more money. So there I was with two grants under my belt and all the glorious bliss in the world.

I know I seem to come off as a person who uses this federal money for her own pleasures. That I don't even bother trying hard in school and still manage to get what I want. The thing is, that's really not the whole story, it's not even the true story. I have worked hard in my classes, despite all the bitching I did do, I followed through. I never gave up like my friends or my parents. So wouldn't that be enough. I don't even know why I bother caring what you guys think. Hell, I guess I'm just human.

Bottom line, I am once again relieved.

Club Age

Let me introduce a dub called Meg. Meg works part-time at retail and has been drinking since seventeen (her now being twenty). A lot of things piss her off. Players, other drivers, and sucky manicures. It's not these peeves that astound me, it's just one. Meg hates that her grandma clubs the same places she does.

So much so that Meg now refuses to go clubbing at the country clubs her grandma goes to. Which, in a little town like hers, limits her to one pric-y place (Twenty bucks a minor) and a few gay nests.

"It just feels like she is playing kid, and I'm playing the adult. Shouldn't she be into cooking or something?"

I have noticed this at my own town. All clubs that feature country are packed with people in their late forties to early fifties. The women dress in rhinestone, thin t-shirts and the men dress in their cowboy best. The women drool after men in college and speak in Tex Mex when a girl younger than them passes by. It's actually because of this, clubbing has seemed less appealing to me. It's basically that theory where something is cool until older people ruin it. Now that my places are packed with women that used to work at my school "Oh! Hi Mrs. J!" the whole scene seems too safe and less cool.

"Ghost, you wanna go to Reggie's?"

"Um...no, Mrs. Jay goes there and I am not comfortable with her knowing I drink."

This making clubbing less fun, and I have noticed that not even Candy or Bunny bother with it. Meanwhile, my aunts have been going and the very thought that they get to go out there drinking kind of pisses me off. Isn't that really the only fun part about clubbing?

It's funny how our age roles have been switched. To be honest, I really haven't been going because I just feel like I have been there, done that. Go to a club? Check! Get tipsy? Check! Smoke? Check!

Really sad how that stuff doesn't even satisfy me anymore. Meanwhile, Meg's Grandma is rediscovering her youth.

Might get invited to Reggie's tonight, but I might not go if Mrs. J is there. just saying.

Harry F****** Potter

So, it's no secret that the final movie of Harry Potter is released tomorrow. All over my facebook people have been saying how they are all going to see the movie midnight. I say: Fuck that! I am a HP fan, but I am not a fanatic. I am also not a night owl. I am sad that the series is ending, but all great things do.

I remember when I used to go to the HP forums. Remember when forums were that cool? Now it's all about Skype. Anyways, I had a lot of pet peeves in these forums, but the one comment I hate the most is "I had no life before I read the books and watched the movies!"

We live in a generation where media is not only the majority of our lives, but an obsession as well. There are Twilighters, Trekkies, HP fanatics, Whedonites Monsters, Fangbangers, and lets not forget about us Sex and the City shopaholics (it's like they know my love for shoes). But if someone goes as far to say that they had nothing before a book...is just sad.

Maybe these idiots say it because they want to prove to be a fanatic. I don't know. I do know that I have seen a dark side to media obsession, and it's...just not cool. It's sad really. To only have on topic to talk about. To have friends that are only there because you share the same obsession. Spending hours on the internet digging up information, watch the videos, and commenting on forums just so you will be the epic title: Number 1 fan.

If our fore fathers saw us now, would they be pleased with the result? Or would they be fascinated with the Hogwarts school system.

If any of you fanatics came upon this blog after hours of digging some dirt on Harry Potter. If you have Hogwarts decor, cosplay, read the HP collection more than 8 times, and put her facebook name "Draco" let me tell you this: Life is more than fiction. Reality can suck, but when it doesn't suck, it's awesome.

Lifestyle

I have been thinking a lot about how my friends and family have their lives set up and I have mine. If someone were to tell me I have it easy, I wouldn't deny it. I pay no rent, my family is supportive, and my only struggle is school. I look at my married friends, the used friends, and some unfortunate family members and I remember the many thoughts I had about them: they should have known better.

For some reason though, I finally realized that it works for them. It just makes them more interesting. They were able to love and sacrifice while I managed to be cynical and observant. In other words, I knew too much for my own good. Although, sometimes on this blog I ache for a lost love. I am not really suffering because I never sacrificed for him. I was never willing to.

I remember feeling that way in high school too. If I only knew to look around at people who really have it bad, I might appreciate what I got.

I say that I want to be free, but seeing as how I am so sheltered, would I be ready to be off at some university? Or, is it more of a question of whether or not I will jump.

so I have come to accept people either have it better than me (yes, I've met them) or worse. I shouldn't be so ready to judge them by their choices of life. I should be more concerned about my own. Well, thank God I can admit my own faults.

I Want To Marry The Night

Okay, this whole staying at home shit is getting WAY too old. Candy asked me once if I wanted to stay with her for a couple of days. I said no. Not because I wanted to, because I had to. This whole summer school thing is draining. If I were to go anywhere, it would have to be somewhere where there is internet.

I actually miss those idiotic nights where people got drunk and stupid. I never thought I needed a shot of whiskey so bad! But I do. I need three shots just to get my head out of this fog.

Great, now I sound like a alcoholic. Forgive me!

I keep telling myself, just this one summer. But, it pains me that with every chance I get, I fill it with classes. These classes aren't even that fun. Remind me next time to just go for a classroom setting. Not a bed room setting.

So, yeah, not much to really say. I am close to one final and then close to dropping a class. Ugh, don't really like that sound. But it needs to be done.

Happy 4th of July. Please take a shot for me.

Britney's BS

When people think Britney Spears they could think one of two things

1.) That crazy celeb that shaved her head and gets photo raped constantly

or

2.) The pop star that was the first to shed the Disney title like it was an over-sized coat.

With social networking, it's become even more possible to know what your celebs are up to. Lady Gaga posts her philosophies, Ashton Kutcher shares what he thinks is cool on the web, Katy Perry asks fans to send her party pics for concerts, and Kesha really just says random shit.

But what Britney Spears has done is something on a totally cool level. I don't know if she is the first person to do this, or if there are many others. What Spears does is send BS alerts on her facebook/twitter page.

What's a BS alert? I will tell you. Say you pick up one of those God awful magazines like People or OK. They would most likely have a story about Spears. What she does is if she sees anything she deems untrue or unflattering, she will post the magazine on her facebook and call it BS or "bullshit".

She has a album on these alerts. It seems a bit cool to me because all her career, she has had tabloids constantly watching her every move. The fact that celebrities can fight back by web is something to be admired. I know I have said in the past that I believed that facebook and twitter seems to do is feed egos, but I have to admit, there is it's good too.

I Want To Go Off Road

So, I can't wait till the year, and I really can't wait till I get into a university. But, I notice that people keep guiding me to a certain direction. My mom wants this. My dad wants that. I really want to know what I think.

In a sense, my life has always been sheltered. Not because I like it that way, mostly because my family is too damn caring. Not so much as a bad thing, but still. Don't get me wrong though. Right after high school, I made the decision to work rather than go to school, and I even went to places by myself. Ugh, I still sound like a little kid.

But bad things happen that shake up the family, and now I feel like I just keep getting transferred from one prison cell to another.

I won't give up hope though. I just have to try harder.

Still, when I am with Candy and King, and we just say stupid shit and do stupid things, I really like that. Like I am supposed to not care about time. But, I feel like it's just a short-lived illusion.

I haven't really been going out. I just feel like I've seen it all. There is nowhere new. People always have the same drama. The circle just gets smaller.

I will get out of jail soon.