"Have You Lost Weight?" ;)?

So, I have been in this college for a bit. Not saying how long. That's for you to decide. I will say it is more than two semesters. I am very familiar with the student employees that work here. Not like I know them by name, but I know there faces. It's sad, really. What is really sad is that even though they see student after student, they know me.

So, I was at school today because I have to look up something for a class. Also, I need to be away from family! I can only bare them so much! I go to the computer lab and hand in my I. D. The guy in charge of that reminds me of a gentle giant. His arms are freaking big and her is obviously in good shape. He has black hair and I would guess he is Hispanic (muy caliente?). He gets my I.D. looks at me up and down and says "Have you lost weight?"

I had no idea how to say to this. I felt my eyes go wide and I looked up at the ceiling like an idiot and said, "I don't think so. Maybe I got shorter."

"No," he says. "You get shorter by the age of forty."

So like a complete idiot I say, "Oh, that's a relief."

!!!!!

He just said it again. I don't even think I said thanks. I don't remember. So after going to the lab and doing what I normally do, I couldn't help but think up all kinds of good comebacks. Even "What about you? Your looking pretty good yourself." Ugh. Cheesy, but I would have made an impression. After I pick up my I.D. and mutter and thanks. I put my card in my purse and look up to his window only to see that his head just turned.

I don't know how I feel about the whole thing. I guess flattered. Maybe he was trying to flatter me. All I know is that next time he does something like that again, I am totally smitten.

Now, I said last post that I probably gained three pounds. Truth is, I am not sure. I don't own a scale at the moment. I haven't been eating the best foods and haven't been doing much exercise. The tone I once had in my legs is gone. Bet he wouldn't comment when he sees how white and jello like they are. Still, I am totally going to find a scale ASAP!

Why I Just Get More Pale and Less Tanned

I had a vision for this summer. The vision: Days at the beach, nights with vodka, passing both classes with a click of a mouse, and a set of new shoes. Like pumps or maybe a nice sling back. Instead, I got: family drama, failing one class, and going crazy by staying inside for days. Worst thing is I have yet to go to the gym and now I gained about three pounds and lost the tone in my legs. I used to be so proud that I had better legs than King and Bunny and now their like jell-o.

Summer is normally like this for me though. But I really need to get out of the slump soon. First step is going to get a burger with the shy girl that I will dub Net and going to see a movie. It doesn't sound like much, but it leads to something bigger.

Second is that I really want to start hanging out at a library or a cafe. Anything to get out of the house and be myself again.

And third is a membership to a gym.

At least I will soon get those shoes.

I am still worried about the financial aid thing. I have so many scenarios of how this could go down. When I freak out like this, I always have to remind myself that I am not the first person to do this and get out alive. In all honesty, I think they'll just make me pay some fine. I think besides these two withdraws, I have actually done pretty good. I have yet to fail and I would be damned if I fail a class.

It's just a few more weeks and I am done with the mess. ugh. I just need to breath

Just to Say

I look at all these people on facebook and think of how I really don't know them. I guess I know whoever is in my family and some close friends. But everyone else is really just an alumni. Some person I might have known. I see how different they are now. They have kids, drugs, married, or decent members of society.

I kind of have this scene I play in my head, where I meet an ex and show him how much I changed, and how much better things are for me. How I am continuing school and have good goals. Maybe he'll see how mature I have gotten and how much I am interested in more than feeling sorry for myself. Though I do say how much I feel sorry for myself. Well shit, we're not all perfect.

Not that I'm thinking about him. Ugh. I have no idea how I feel. I miss him is basically it. I used to pray he would go away and for once God answered that prayer. Not, whenever I see him on Facebook and when we just do a formal chat. It really sucks.

I always say my future goals does not involve a marriage. But to be honest, if I wouldn't mind this guy being in my future. I want to be a strong person, and haven't fallen in love, but there are some feelings with this guy that is not done.

If I did love him, I would be fighting harder for him, right? Even if I did, I might scare him off. Men suck

F***

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck! Once again needing to drop a class and once again in a pickle with financial aid. Since I am taking online courses this time, there is this one class that is just not working for me. The bad thing is that if I quit now, I will have to pay for next summer session. If I wait till the second bit of money comes in, I will risk a WF, which I hear is not fun. Ugh.

I am just happy this will be my last summer doing classes. I am serious, it is. This will be my last year in a community college. I will go on to a University. I really want to go out of town.

Okay, now I am depressed and pathetic. I need a new topic. Hmm.

Screw it, I'll get back to you on that.

Black Wool

So, every family has an outcast and my family could be described as one. My dad has always been in and out of our lives and people are always feeling sorry for us. I don't really have an average girls goal that my family is used to (find a rich man). I have said this a million times, I just want to be rich.

So today, my family member and my parent clashed and everyone just seems to be getting on their case. It sucks it really does. So I am really left with all the times I have been an outcast.

I guess you know when your not like everyone else is when your uncle says something about you. Nothing too bad, just a comment on your clothes or appearance, and it's so bad your mom gets mad. I guess you know your an outcast when your family doesn't really care what you have to say unless it's juicy gossip. It does hurt m that I have a family like this. But I know that just how families are. They will only really care at the funeral.

Tears are shedding, but not so much because of sadness, more so because it is the truth. No, it's not my immediate family that I'm talking about. It's the others. The mainstream.

But don't pity me on this personal note. I don't come on here to be pitied, I come on here to share what I see. I am an outcast and because of that, I am also a fighter. Whenever my life hits off, they will be begging me to call them everyday. It may not be happening now, but it will happen.

Keeps Getting Bitchy

So, I posted a couple of weeks ago about my devotion to The Voice. So far three of the people I like go in and i have still not lost interest. But Christina Aguilera's attitude is really starting to bug me.

Okay, don't look at me like that! Like I am some troll that is going to do this whole protest against Xtina because I have no life. Not like that at all. I love Xtina (lazy, don't feel like typing the whole name). I listened to here since her Mulan cover. But seeing her as the judge that won't shut up has made me a little uneasy. I guess she is trying to make good TV, but constantly making bromance jokes and saying Adam will soil himself is not appealing. Also, her team performance was really all about her. The girls just acting like back singers. Blake didn't do that, he let his team shine before he got in. And the whole Team Christina sign above was a turn off.

In a way I can't blame her. She is a diva and is used to the spotlight being on her. I still love her music and I know she means well, but I would love it if she toned it down. Ugh, especially the cleavage she displays. Really don't want to see that. Maybe because I'm a girl and if a I were a lesbian (not) I would be more of an ass girl, which hers is spectacular!

Mickey Mouse Ears

There is always this time in a kids life where their lives revolved around Disney and Nickelodeon. When I was little, I had shows like "Clarissa Says It All", "All That", "Rugrats", and "Lizzie McGuire". Just to name a few. There wasn't a day that went by when a little kid didn't quote "Dark Wing Duck" or "Hercules".

But now, it's very different. Instead of "Clarissa", there is "Sunny With a Chance". Sure, the new "So Randam" is to replace "All That" and the "Amanda Show", but there use of too many celeb references and web cams keep the jokes in lacking. What really bugs me is how 90 percent of the time, a new Disney Star is introduced (even Nick) and suddenly he/she is some singer. Really?

I know the current generation of tweens are obsessed with fame and stardom. Who can blame them? It looks so easy? But it's not a big deal if a Disney kid can't sing or dance. Yes, music is great, but there are other things in life.