Just to Say

I look at all these people on facebook and think of how I really don't know them. I guess I know whoever is in my family and some close friends. But everyone else is really just an alumni. Some person I might have known. I see how different they are now. They have kids, drugs, married, or decent members of society.

I kind of have this scene I play in my head, where I meet an ex and show him how much I changed, and how much better things are for me. How I am continuing school and have good goals. Maybe he'll see how mature I have gotten and how much I am interested in more than feeling sorry for myself. Though I do say how much I feel sorry for myself. Well shit, we're not all perfect.

Not that I'm thinking about him. Ugh. I have no idea how I feel. I miss him is basically it. I used to pray he would go away and for once God answered that prayer. Not, whenever I see him on Facebook and when we just do a formal chat. It really sucks.

I always say my future goals does not involve a marriage. But to be honest, if I wouldn't mind this guy being in my future. I want to be a strong person, and haven't fallen in love, but there are some feelings with this guy that is not done.

If I did love him, I would be fighting harder for him, right? Even if I did, I might scare him off. Men suck